Posted by: DD | January 13, 2008

Patenting SEX

Today, after a very long time, me and my flat mate cooked lunch. We made some exotic ‘pulao’ with special nutrient consideration and hence added beans, peas and few other vegetables. While chopping beans, my roomate told me that these beans are actually called ‘French Beans’.

I wondered. “French Beans”, but why? I remember that they were called just Beans. Then he told me that the French got a patent for these beans and hence now these are known after French. Also, that whosoever will grow them will have to pay the French for its use. (I donot know if thats how the patent works).

I was a bit confused and angry. How can the French patent something which has been with us for years? And why should we pay them to grow it?

Then it occured to me if thats the case, lets patent SEX under our name (nobody has done it till now or else I would have known 😉 ). Then whosoever will have sex will have to pay us and the amount of money would be unimaginable. 😀

For instance, the world’s population is around 6.6 billion. Assuming that only people above 16 and below 65 years of age have sex, we have aournd 1 billion men and 0.88 billion women available for sex. We can comfortably assume that 0.45 billion are couples and they are loyal to each other.

Couples: 0.45 billion. Out of which lets assume 25% are in initial phase of relationship which means on an average they have sex 4 times a week(0.45 billion), 25% are in middle phase of their relationship means have sex 2.5 times a week (0.28125 billion) and the rest of them have sex once a week (0.225 billion). So total number of sexual acts per week from couples amount to 0.45 + 0.28125 + 0.225 = 0.95625 billion.

Now we are left with 0.55 billion men and 0.43 billion women who are not couples. Lets assume that these people have sex once in three weeks (since they are not couples and have to fight hard to get some :D). Since the number of women available are less than available men, we place an upper limit on number of sexual acts equal to number of available women. Hence we can cunclude that 0.43 billion sexual acts happen in three weeks, which gives us around 0.1433 billion sexual acts per week from singles.

Total Sexual Acts in one week = 0.95625 + 0.1433 = 1.09955 ~= 1.1 billion per week.

Given the fact that I am such a considerate person, even if I levy a charge of Rs 1 per sexual act ( I bet people are ready to pay far more to get some 😉 ), I get richer by Rs 1.1 billion per week. After deducting a flat 30% tax (I am living in India), I get Rs 0.77 billion IN HAND per week. Now thats a HUGE amount we are talking about and that too without any hard work of mine. All the hard work involved is that of the people having SEX and I bet they won’t complain 😀 .

All this calcualtion is based on the STATIC data, and if we consider the birth rate of 20.09 births/1,000 population, a death rate of 8.37 deaths/1,000 population, both with a sex ratio of 1.024:1 in favour of males then we can very easily see this amount increasing at a neat rate w.r.t time.

Now thats a power of an IDEA.

I think I must sell this pretext of mine to Idea for a fantastic ad campaign 🙂 After all, “An Idea can change your life” 🙂 I wish it does same for me.

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Responses

  1. Well, I appreciate the Idea. Let’s go for it. But how the collections will be done once the idea is patented?. I am thinking on that …
    Probably we need Amdocs Billing Solution(preferably Enabler) and a CRM Software(Preferably Clarify) to keep track of our dearest customers- People who do as much as they can 🙂
    Till then be geared up for all other formalities 😀 of the patent .

  2. well, Amdocs ka Enabler is too costly to invest … abhi i need sme cheap OSS and i am planning to design and write one myself 😀
    Hope you can provide the infra support. 😉

  3. Oh yes… My Pleasure. Plus I know how to handle offenders who do not pay the loyalty amount on time. I would like to represent the Recovery division. 😉

  4. gr8, you seem to have a good experience in the domain. Collect your offer letter from me !! 🙂

  5. Well definitely u came up with something so much innovative, n as far as i believe somehow yesterday’s video trigerred ur mind (m nt sure if its correct). But as much i appreciate ur idea, that much i hate to let you knw that this is sumthng u cant do. Nw since u got so much statistical, i’ll get a bit technical. To get a patent the very first condition is that on whatever u r planning to get the patent should not be in public knowledge and shud nt be printed in ny form. Bang! here u have a prob coz u have choosen SEX to be patented n this i guess is the one thng that even an illetrate knws n it happens to be the most widely discussed, Published topic.
    So m so sorry to male u aware of this n break ur wonderul idea, but u shud be thankful to me that i saved u 4rm quite a trouble.
    Think dear n m sure u’ll cum up with sumthng actually novel.

  6. thanks for that eye opener post. But seems like u got a bit involved … this was just to njoy an idea and certainly not to implement !! 🙂

  7. OMG
    i dnt belive it
    itna statistical analysis
    kaha se kiya
    ye bhi googling i mean ur research work….

  8. Hi,

    I am just little bit curious to know from where didyou get this data (No. of times)?

    Regards,
    Ankita

    • Ankita, had you left your email address, I would have the means to reach out to you. Not sure if you will come back to check my response.
      And the data is more of an extrapolation than absolute. 🙂

  9. The Master Piece ….just love this one 🙂


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